permission to be yourself
Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 7:42AM WARNING: Very wordy post ahead. Grab your coffee and get comfy.
My lovely assistant and second shooter Jessie came out with me the other day to do a real deal photo shoot of yours truly. It had been a very very long time since I was on the other side of the camera so it was time. It felt nothing short of very weird. I am not used to it at all and it reminded me that most of my clients probably are not used to it either. I think that as a photographer I can forget how strange and awkward my clients might feel while I am photographing them. Since having this experience, I think it has made me a better photographer and I also learned something about myself that I want to change.
While looking through the images that she captured I would immediately think something negative about myself. I didn't do it on purpose.....it just sort of happened. It felt natural just as breathing does. All of these thoughts and more ran through my head when I sized myself up: your face is too small for those huge ears, nice bags under your eyes Shannon, you seriously have no butt, your legs are too skinny, people are going to think your ridiculous, you kind of look like a monkey when you laugh......seriously the list could go on and on and on. Keep in mind that I had my clothes on in these photos. Just imagine all the awful thoughts I could throw upon myself if I was naked.
These thoughts need to stop. We all do it don't we? We need to stop beating ourselves up. I tell my clients to do this all of the time. I need to practice what I preach. So what if I have chicken legs and big ears. My girlfriends with the nicest bums (yes, I just said bum) always complain about how big they are. The grass is always greener on the other side and we ALL want what we don't have. WE are God's handiwork. He created everyone uniquely beautiful. We should be thankful for that.
I am challenging myself today to retrain my brain. I want to be okay in my own flawed skin. The next time I see myself in the mirror or in a photo, I will do everything in my power to stop the barfing on myself and think of something good. You should try it too. Compliment yourself. Seriously. It will feel ridiculous at first but let's do it together. Tell me what happens. You have PERMISSION to be yourself and to be beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
When I first saw these photos, I felt so dumb. I was worried about showing them to anyone because I was worried they would think I was nuts. Now, they are my favorites. l love them because I feel that they absolutely show who I am. The truth is this: I am a little nuts and I am okay with that.
Jessie made me feel comfortable enough to be myself in front of the camera. She gave me permission to just be me and to be silly. That is the mark of a truly gifted photographer. So, Thanks girl for capturing the real me and not telling me how big my ears are. ;)
Reader Comments (19)
Shannon,
My GORGEOUS friend... I find it hard to fathom you not seeing how truly beautiful you are, inside and out. I guess I've never seen your "flaws". But you're right, we're basically our own worst critics. And what for? To make ourselves self conscious? Feel down on ourselves? Drive ourselves crazy by agonizing over things we can't change? I'm not one to preach, so I won't. But I will join your crusade :) I love you girl... and yes, you are nuts, but that's one of my favorite things about you. Love you!
Jessie, great shots of the lovely Shannon. You're just coming right along! Keep up the good work sweets! :)
Shannon, you are stunning. I am so happy to know that there are other women out there who struggle with this stuff. But I think it's a wonderful experience when you can give yourself permission to be fully-you. Because that is the best you... Much love to ya girl!
LOVE THIS! loveitloveitloveit!
thank you for posting, Shannon!
and these pictures. are crazy beautiful.
You are absolutely gorgeous!
You are beautiful. I thought you were even prettier when I met you in person.
But it is so hard to not be negative on ourselves. I like the saying "we are our biggest critic". But I word vomit on myself all the time. It's easier to do once we have had babies and we see ourselves naked with those stretch marks, baby-bearing hips, and muffin tops! My other tells me that the main reason he doesn't compliment me as much anymore is because for every one nice thing he said, I'd say 2 negative things about myself. It is really hard to tell yourself the good things that others say they see. But I wish you luck on retraining your brain. And please pass along your tips!!
P.S. I love the pics!
Love you, your gorgeous! I have a blast with you, and I thank you for all you have taught me. I am finally finding confidence in myself as a photographer and it feels amazing. And your the prettiest goof ball or "nut" I have ever met ;) happy editing!
Oh Shannon, I know just what you mean! When I got my boudoir pictures back from you I actually CRIED because I thought I looked so fat. That is so silly, they are amazing pictures! Thanks for sharing your cute photos, I love them and they look just like you and your personality!
It's good to know that my gorgeous little sis is just as self-conscious as I am! You are beautiful, kid-LOVE these pics!
Michelle
Oh, thank you for sharing. This is what I needed to hear. Maybe I'll have to do the same sometime. Love you and all you share!
This post brought me to tears.
This is probably information that is deemed "tmi" but I used to struggle with an eating disorder and recently relapsed after coming back to school. I'm putting this in my Bible and keeping it every time I want to exercise after a meal. Best of luck in your quest, and maybe I can be that way someday
And you are so beautiful in your pictures. Thanks for sharing your struggles.
I could never tire of looking at your photographs, but this is hands down my favorite post of yours. You are a stunner...on the outside too.
Your posting brought me to tears honey, as I read it out loud to your Dad. I never would have guessed that you any insecurities about the way you look. You have always been so beautiful to me (on the inside and the outside). I am so glad that you talked about retraining your brain, I must try to do that also. I look in the mirror now and I just see a wrinkled out lady. I am not even pretty like I used to be. I remember when I would do my makeup, and then I would tell myself how beautiful my eyes were - one of my best assetts!
I related to your comments about the big ears and chicken legs; that made me laugh because those two things just happen to run in our family. I remember your Aunt Rose asking me if Keegs had the "Muter" legs :)
God did make us all unique and beautiful in his eyes, I must start to love the way I look again. I am going to try and look in the mirror see my own beauty again - chicken legs & all!! Thanks for the best personal posting that you have ever done. You have helped many women today, including me. I love you Shannon Phillips.
Mom
You are such a doll. Such honesty and such truth. You bring joy to all that you meet because of your amazing inner light that shines through your outer beauty. Also, you're right! The grass is greener! I have found myself vying those little legs of yours every time I see you :).
I know this was unintentional, but, I think this was also a very smart post because I think a lot of girls (me in particular) will now want to prove their true beauty through a little photo shoot... Hmmm... :) Keep shining girl!
Shannon you've done it again...another amazing post. I see women everyday who pick themselves apart. And the truth of it is God did make us the way we are and we are to worship it and honor ourselves for who we are.
My mom taught me something growing up that I didn't think was a big deal, but now I see what she was doing. Every now and then she would have I and my sisters take turns and tell her 5 things we LOVED about ourselves (to be honest I always thought it was a bit silly) :) But now I completely understand what she was doing...she was building out confidence and helping us to love the POSITIVE things about ourselves. She would always say, "It takes 12 positives to out due ONE negative"
Shannon- thank you for being one of the most amazing friends in my life. You are beautiful inside and out!! Love ya
LOVE IT!!! :)
Thank you for your honesty and for posting the beautiful pictures. It made me stop, think, and reassess.
I just had a baby girl this year, and I think she is beautiful. I guess that someday she will stand in front of a mirror with a long list of phrases that fit in the category of If-Only or So-and-So-is-Taller/Shorter/Thinner/Curvier or I-WIsh-I-Could-Change... My heart aches for her already, but what if I could model something different? What if she never hears me say anything about a diet, or how my pants fit, or if only this or that? What if I didn't allow myself to say anything that I wouldn't want her to say about herself someday?
How would the things we say when we assess ourselves in a mirror or in photographs sound coming from a delightful 7 year old little girl? If it would break our hearts, then maybe, just maybe, it hurts the heart of our Creator who created us in His image. Imago Dei.
Thank you for your post. Thank you for making us all stop and think.
I absolutely agree with what you say in this post, I think negative about myself all the time even when I have my amazing hunny who always compliments me. Esp being pregnant with my big belly, huge arms and huge thighs! I agree that I need to just see that this is how God made me and be thankful. I love you sister and I am being 100% honest in saying that these two pics are in my top 5 of you! LOVE THEM! and I love you
You are gorgeous Shannon! Thanks for such an honest post!
You are absolutely adorable and one of the most wonderful women I know. Jesse did a great job of capturing the true Shannon. I love you sweet friend!!!